Aspiration … or Inspiration?

(This is a copy of a much earlier posting, but it is still relevant today.)

“Treat others as I would like them to treat me.”

It’s a wonderful basis for living, and I adopted it many years ago. Of course, how effective I have been is open to debate, but I like to think that my “compliance percentage” is quite high. The problem though is that it is often misunderstood. I know that because, when I broach the concept with some people, they respond with “Aren’t you disappointed though when they don’t behave accordingly, or when you go out of your way to help somebody, but they never reciprocate … don’t you wonder why you bothered?”

It is so important to understand that the quote was not “Treat others as I would expect them to treat me”, but rather “as I would like them to treat me.” Understanding the significant difference is important if one intends adopting that concept. An “expectation” that is not achieved can be really disappointing … but a “like” that does not follow through is just a part of living. There are a number of areas which are important to understand if we are to role model effectively.

We have to understand that each of us is a product of so many factors – parental influences, childhood experiences, teen experiences, location, lifestyle, traumatic experiences, success and failures etc. etc.

Romantics will often stress our uniqueness; our individuality. They are quite correct. Because we are all exposed to so many (and varied) influences as we proceed through life, we are indeed absolutely unique individuals. This means that I need never be disappointed at how “you” behave. I could of course not like how you handle a specific situation, but I just need to remember that your life influences are different from mine. If I can always remember that, then I can accept what you do/don’t do. I may not like your actions in a specific situation, but I can accept that your life has taken you in that direction.

I am reminded of a lesson I learned many years ago when my two teenagers were being particularly challenging – “There is no reason why you cannot always love your children. You may not love what they do, but you can always love them for who they are.” – My issue with that was learning to separate the person from the action. I did not find that easy to do, but it makes so much sense when you think about it. Why should we stop loving anybody simply because of what they did, when all they did was behave in accordance with their life experiences?

We should perhaps each spend a little time to understand who we are … what/who were our biggest influences … who we admired, and why, as we grew up … what made us happy, and what brought us to tears … our emotional highs and lows …. our successes, and our failures.

If each of us was a cake recipe, it would indeed be a very complicated recipe, and each cake would be unique. Once we have grasped that perspective, it is so much easier to accept others simply for who they are.

“Treat as others as I would like them to treat me.”

Does this provide a goal for you to aspire to, or does it simply inspire more thought? Regardless of your answer, somebody once said “Role model how you would like the world to be.” There are more of us than there are politicians so, rather than wait for our leaders to move in this direction, we should simply take charge and demonstrate our desire for a better world. There are millions of us, so can you just imagine what such a common perspective could achieve?

16 thoughts on “Aspiration … or Inspiration?”

  2. I think I remember this post. At least, I remember the photo that moved me. I love what you said about. You can always love your children but that doesn’t mean you agree with what they do. That’s two separate things. I think that is the little secret in raising them. I have to admit that I have always been aware of this. Although, I would do a lot of things differently today, would try to be more patient and less strict but can say from my heart that I always differed between my child and its actions. They are beautiful souls who make their experiences, and we, as parents are there to guide them up to a certain degree. There is so much more to say about it… Yes, it did inspire me… hehe.

    Liked by 1 person

      • No, I wasn’t. At least not from my persepective. I was much to hard on them, to strict. I expected too much from them. I had too high expectations on myself also du to fulfill the picture of others… how stupid! That way I put so much pressure on myself for being perfect that I overwhelmed myself and consequently my children. But it was because of my love to my children that at some point I realized this. And it were my children who led me to that point, most of all my middle child. I did see the difference between them and what they did that caused the conflict in me. That way I broke out of a past where there was not made a difference when I was a child. After I realized this all, I gathered my children and apologized.
        We often talked about it, what we would change or not if we could turn back time with the knowledge of today. My behavior would be the only thing. However, I have wonderful kids and we have an amazing relationship. So, maybe I still put too much pressure on myself…

        Liked by 1 person

        • Still a good Mom Erika, because a bad Mom would never acknowledge her mistakes; never acknowledge that things could have been different. You may recall my personal philosophy:

          “I will expect perfection from you as soon as I can set the example. You are all safe for the immediate future.”

          That was developed when my two children were on their 20’s, and therefore sadly absent during their primary development years. Like you, I felt obligated to apologize for past decisions which, in hindsight, probably negatively impacted them. Also, like you, relationships are stronger as a result. Keep smiling, and keep learning, Erika! 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks for reposting Collin. Logic and empathy transcends time and your thoughts are so very on target. In this particularly politically polarizing time it also reminds me that there are so many good people whom I trust and love that have very different ideologies and opinions as mine, yet is still the same person that I trust and love. BTW I love that photo of you and your daughter. The love in each of your faces as you look at one another is beautiful. Great to “see” you. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

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