Smile Time!

The following was a just received from a neighbour, but their origin is not known. Many thanks Mr/Ms Anonimous:

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter —– The Living Room or The Bedroom

Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog….. we laughed a lot.

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called β€œTHE KITCHENΒ β€œ. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of the little monsters called in a bomb threat.

I’m so excited — it’s time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I’m getting tired of Los Livingroom.

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year”…. I’m offended.

 

40 thoughts on “Smile Time!

  1. Smile Time ..this is belly laughter Time!!
    Still trying to figure which half I would like to belong to. maybe both, like him of “Floyd on fish” fame!!
    NZ is doing pretty well, stats wise.
    keep well and keep safe.
    always enjoy your posts

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am laughing again! Brad had shown me these the other night. Still can’t decide which is my favorite, for all of them made us laugh! Thanks for sharing. Laughter warms the heart! 😊 Now just make it warm outside. The wind may blow me away and its only 40 degrees!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Humor shall save us from going crazy, Colin! Thanks for distributing this fine collection of funnies. My favorite was “I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.” LOL. I remember a lady in the nursing home who would take the wad of TP I handed her, count out 3 sheets, and give back the remainder. Depression Era habits die hard, I guess. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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