It crossed my mind this morning that we are constantly negotiating our lives.
A significant proportion of my working life involved negotiations, and so there were the expected courses/seminars on negotiation strategies, techniques etc., and I think I became pretty good at it!
My negotiating would have started as a child but, of course, in a very simplistic way. I would make a demand (want to play with the best china; stay out later etc) and, when denied, would stamp around and sulk! Mum would win!
Later, there would have been a semblance of a strategy:
“Can I stay out until 10:00pm?”
“No you can’t. 8:00 is your time to be in.”
“Oh Mum!” (Whining)
“You can stop that noise. 8:00”
“Well I’ll be at Patrick’s house.”
” Oh well…………. 8:30 and no later.”
” How about 9:30pm?”
“But his Mom really likes me and wants me to stay as long as possible.”
“Okay……… 9:00 and no later!”
Once we get into school and the age of relationships, there is more negotiating done which is totally self-serving. I would have certain desires/expectations which may be different from yours and so a negotiation takes place… although we never see it as such. An argument may well be seen as an insensitive negotiation!
I am negotiating with Ray all the time! Ray does “this” and he gets “that”. If “that” is not too attractive, then he will be unresponsive until such time as the quality of “that” is increased! A negotiation has just taken place!
Even me writing this Post is a subtle negotiation! I am writing in the hope that you will sacrifice a small portion of your time to read it. If my Likes and Comments stats have a pattern of falling, then I am clearly not negotiating very well. Making life choices in general can be construed as negotiation.
Volunteering in a particular area is a negotiation in that I have my need, and must convince the organization that it compliments their need. They may want 20 hours a week spread over 3 days, while I can only offer 2 days. They may want a schedule commitment 6 weeks ahead, while I can only commit to 4 weeks ahead. If simply volunteering can involve some negotiation, just imagine what is involved in a job hunting exercise.
Why this subject right now? Because I often get involved in literary “skirmishes” and to conclude these events satisfactorily involves standard negotiating skills. In their most basic form, and as soon as I sense a “skirmish” is imminent:
Step 1 – Determine my position. Do I have the power to dictate? Usually the answer is a resounding “No!”
Step 2 – What are my strengths? Perhaps age and relative life experience! (not very convincing so move to Step 3 asap!)
Step 3 – Improve position of power my researching “opponent”. All flaws and weaknesses documented.
Step 4 – Decide what would be my ideal outcome, and also establish a bottom line! i.e. I now have the acceptable high/low limits of the negotiation.
Step 5 – Let battle commence!
Step 6 – Continually review and evaluate my position of strength, and secure if necessary by adding confusing data into the “skirmish”. Introduce questions of debatable relevance and answer questions using ambiguous, or simply puzzling, statements. Never under-estimate the value of confusion!
Note: The primary goal of any negotiation is to achieve the highest limit outcome (ref Step 4) and a WIN/WIN conclusion, however, under extreme circumstances, it may be necessary to trade off a little!
Step 7 – If circumstances dictate a rather unsatisfactory conclusion (plan it better next time), then I will diplomatically concede, compliment the other party, and walk away with my character intact!
Doesn’t that pretty much reflect life. Now what we should all do is recognize that, what some people see as simply choices, are in fact negotiations and being aware of that should make you think “Yes…… I must prepare in advance of making choices in the future! What am I trying to achieve? What are the potential problems? What do I need to do to prepare for the best possible outcome? What will I settle for as a compromise?”